Beta Numbers

A beta pregnancy test is a blood test administered to determine the levels of the HCG hormone in a woman's body. Technically you are pregnant if your number is above 5 on your first beta, which is typically scheduled for 14dpo or 14 days past ovulation (the day of egg transfer with IVF) but it is my understanding that most clinics like to see a higher number by then. However, the most important indication of how well things are progressing is with the second beta, which they will normally do 2-3 days after the first. Your numbers should be consistently rising at the beginning of your pregnancy, not staying the same or dropping. 

It's too hard to tell if you are having multiples just by your beta numbers. Even though there is often a correlation between high beta numbers and multiples, it is not always the case. I have read where women with fairly low numbers ended up being pregnant with triplets and I've heard about people with high numbers having singletons, so you never really know.

Beta Levels in Early Pregnancy and Beyond

Weeks after LMP	Days after conception	HCG level for single baby (mIU/hCG)
3 Weeks	7	0 to 5
4 Weeks	14	5 to 426
5 Weeks	21	18 to 7340
6 Weeks	28	1,080 to 56,500

7 to 8 Weeks	35 to 42	7,650 to 229,000
9 to 12 Weeks	49 to 70	25,700 to 288,000
13 to 16 Weeks	77 to 100	13,300 to 254,000
17 to 24 Weeks		4,060 to 165,400

25 Weeks to Birth		3,640 to 117,000
4 to 6 Weeks Post Birth		Less than 5

Read more: "Beta Levels in Early Pregnancy" -http://www.stages-in-pregnancy.com/beta-levels-in-early-pregnancy.html#ixzz0EQFWQyIq&A

This past Friday my first beta was 333 and three days later it had, thankfully, risen to 1025. Next week is the real deal, however, when I get my first pregnancy ultrasound and hopefully we will see some real evidence of my little emby (or embies?) in the form of a gestational sac or two. :)

It's true, even when you finally get pregnant, the worrying doesn't stop, it just changes to a different kind of worry. And I imagine when the baby is born, a whole new set of worries begins. So I am committed to thinking positively and taking the very best care of my little guy or guys and staying strong and enjoying each moment. I worked very hard for this and I am going to make the most of it!

   

YAY!!!!!!!!

    

I'M PREGNANT!

BIG 

FAT

POSITIVE!!

               

Three...More...Days

Ugh. I've done the 2ww (2 week wait) many, many times but it's never been like this.  I am keeping myself busy with Lifetime movies and food (wait, did I say that?) and I'm shooting a film on Thursday (which may or may not have been a good idea) so it's actually going by fairly fast. I found a cool group of chicas going through the exact same thing on: 

http://forums.fertilitycommunity.com

I recommend hooking up with one of these sites! IVF can feel very lonely and isolating and hearing what other women are going through makes an enormously positive difference. The thread I'm a part of is for all of us April IVFs and it's fun to cheer each other on, especially when someone gets a BFP (Big Fat Positive, or even a Big F*ucking Positive?) Uh-oh...I'm addicted. The cute little emoticons don't hurt either. I especially like the little cheerleader with blonde ponytails and pink pom-poms. :) She's cute.

I'm delirious. (yay for me!!)

Channeling Tom Petty-Six More Days!

The waiting is the hardest part
Every day you go one more yard
You take it on faith, you take it to the heart
The waiting is the hardest part

Don't let it kill you baby, don't let it get to you
Don't let em kill you baby, don't let em get to you
I'll be your breathin heart, I'll be your cryin fool
Don't let this go too far, don't let it get to you

The Transfer

   A little loopy from the Valium.

Yesterday: Turns out I had two embryos who made it to the blast, and they were both good quality so we transferred both of them. Yay! The other three ended up not being good enough to freeze. Rats.

This was veeeery emotional for me and I cried during the transfer, which took three tries, btw. I finally saw the beginning of what all this fuss has been about. I get attached so easily and it's incredibly hard for me to think about this not working. I want to be hopeful and send loving energy to my two little guys, and I do. But at the same time I don't want to get my heart crushed if they don't stick around. The truth is, I will be devastated if they don't attach regardless of how I feel about them now, so I may as well love them and think happy, positive thoughts.

The transfer itself is fairly quick and easy. They had me take a valium when I got there to relax me and make the transfer easier. So we had to wait for that to kick in, which didn't take long. :) You also need to have a full bladder and for some reason all the water I had that morning disappeared. Guess I was dehydrated. But after three more bottles of agua I was good to go. After all the prep the actual procedure only took about ten minutes.

Since the transfer I have been in bed, per my doctor's instructions, and will be for another 24 plus hours. My husband has been very patient and helpful and brings me whatever I need. I never got that little bell but when I want something, I call him on our phone's intercom and he answers, "nurse's station." Hehe.

Staying in bed for a long period of time when you're not actually sick is harder than it looks. I'm restless and my butt and back are starting to hurt. Are my muscles going to atrophy!?!! Will I get bed sores?!?

I'm so dramatic.

Blast

I got a call from the center yesterday, or more specifically from ART (Assisted Reproduction Technology) and 4 out of my 5 embryos are doing well. Two have 10 cells, 1 has 8 and the other has 6. The last little guy only has 3. So we are waiting for the blast* and I am supposed to go in tomorrow, or even Wednesday (which would be day 6!) for the transfer. I think it's a good sign. 

I am hopeful and cautiously optimistic. Or cautious and hopefully optimistic?

I had such a good day yesterday. It was the first time I felt human in a very long while because I'm no longer taking the stims and I have recovered from the egg retrieval. What a great feeling!! I can't say I feel 100% like my old self, but it's the closest I've come since all this started. 

I'm going to take it easy today, eat lots of green vegies and plan for the 48 hour bedrest. Oh boy.

*"A blastocyst is an embryo which has developed to the point of having 2 different cell components and a fluid cavity. Human embryos, in culture in an IVF lab, or developing naturally in the female body, usually reach the blastocyst stage by day 5 after fertilization. Blastocyst transfer with IVF can give high pregnancy success with very low risk of triplets."

From The Advanced Fertility Center of Chicago

Their website is very informative, btw.

Shards of Glass, In Vitro

This is the spring of my discontent

There is somewhere I would rather be

In the room I will call your nursery

Today I bought acrylic paints

canvas stretched on wood

Now an easel sits where a cradle should

I wonder how you're doing

a tiny spot of paint upon the floor

An absence like I've never felt before 

For there are traces of your life, my love

in the hands of strangers

Your light? Your glow? 

I see it now and I ask you just one thing

Bring it to me, bring it home, bring your light to me

I have a cozy place to stay

a warm and tidy room

a center for your light to play

and wiggle in my womb

I miss you but how can that be?

I've never even met you

but when I do, and I know I will

I'll paint this little room

Colors of the sky, colors of my soul

the pink of sadness

greens of hope

and all the shades of gold

There is a pretty orange tree outside 

your nursery window 

We can watch the blossoms bloom

next spring 

If only you will come to me

Just come home to me.

-April, 2009

Progesterone Injections

Every evening, right before bed at the same time every night, I have to have a progesterone injection. This is not fun.

First of all, the needle is pretty frickin' huge. I think it's about three inches long. This would have seemed impossible had I not gotten so much practice with the smaller FSH needles. I miss those little guys! 

This is an intramuscular injection, so it goes in the upper hip area. My poor husband gets so nervous before he does it, which is actually kind of cute. While he's warming up the bottle of PIO (prog. in oil) under his arm (seriously!) I am "icing up" with a bag of Safeway frozen peas on the injection site for a little less than a minute. This injection takes a bit longer because the progesterone is mixed with vegetable oil and it is slower coming out. 

Once again, we have established a routine. After the injection, he dashes to the bathroom to run a washcloth under hot water so I can rub it on the area. You need to rub it to avoid getting knots. I have to switch sides every night because apparently you tend to get sore after a while. Holy crap! Something else to look forward to!

No word on the status of my embies today. I am getting a call tomorrow morning to find out if I do the transfer tomorrow (3 days past retrieval) or wait for the blast. This is so nerve-wracking. 

I am also dealing with weird mood swings, whereby one second I'm sticking my tongue down my husband's throat in Bed, Bath and Beyond during a sudden attack of randyness and the next I'm arguing with him about what toaster we need to get and why the one I want IS SO MUCH BETTER, DAMNIT!!!!!!

My hubby has taken to putting his arms up and running around like he's on a roller coaster at Knott's Crazy Farm. I have to admit, this makes me laugh...most of the time. 

Egg Retrieval

Well, that part is over. I had a successful retrieval of 7 eggs yesterday, although there were more my doctor didn't take out because they weren't mature. Out of those 7, five have fertilized using ICSI, which is when they inject the sperm directly into the egg. We needed to do that because of DH's low count and motility.  My hubby's sperm was not at its best (we had some better counts on a few IUIs) which was disappointing since he's been doing so much to improve it. He has lost 15 pounds, sworn off chocolate and has been taking Fertility Blend for men and a daily vitamin. Oh, well.

I have heard it's quality not quantity that counts, so here's to a few good eggs!

The procedure went well. It's pretty simple but does require sedation. I was less scared about that this time because I had been under for the polyp removal. It's always the time after that's the most difficult because it hurts, darnit! You really need to take it easy the rest of the day because the anesthesia takes 24 hours to wear off. I am still sore today (the day after) and don't have a heck of a lot of energy. I started the progesterone injections yesterday as well as antibiotics, Medrol (to suppress inflammation) and Estradiol, a form of estrogen

I feel very bloated, like I have a fleshy fanny-pack stuck to my stomach. Pretty.

African Fertility Goddess

Follow the Yellow Brick Road

I guess the HCG is doing it's job since I'm going in tomorrow to have my...eggs....taken...out.

I think it just hit me that a part of me and not just a part of me but a part of my potential baby will be removed from me and put elsewhere. Elsewhere being OUTSIDE OF MY BODY. It's kind of like loaning someone your arm or something. And then there will be an embryo, our little  embryo, hanging out in some petri dish in a lab somewhere for a few days. I wonder if I can ask to see it first before they transfer it? Can I take a picture? Would my son/daughter be embarrassed if I brought that photo out with their naked bath pictures to show their dates? 

I don't know about you, but I would kind of like to see a picture of myself as an embryo. But wouldn't that be freaky??

This is all kind of mind-blowing. 

And there are the practical matters to consider. In amongst the consent forms and waivers and promises not to sue the doctor if this one doesn't "take" there are questions like, how will the embryos be disposed of/utilized in the event of my death, my husband's death or both of our deaths. We have one of five choices for that one: donate to research; thaw with no further action; donate to another couple; abandonment to the center; use by living partner. I know what I would do if, God forbid, he died, but wouldn't it be hard for my husband to "use" the embryos should I suddenly croak between tomorrow and next week? Would he want our baby so much he would hire a surrogate? These are not the typical discussions my hubby and I partake in. 

If we do have "extras" we are going to freeze them and pay the 300 plus yearly fee to hold them, just in case we need to do it again. 

And then the all important question of HOW MANY. 2? 3? I'm no Octo-mom wanna-be so, definitely not more than that. Luckily, I don't have to answer this question by tomorrow and can instead see what happens and hopefully the doctor can tell us what is best. But ultimately, it will be our decision.

It's Wednesday afternoon on a partly cloudy day in Southern California and I am seriously pondering the fate of  yet to be created potential being(s), part of whom will be extracted from my body tomorrow. 

Dorothy, you're not in Kansas anymore.

A Pee Cocktail? Nah, just HCG.

Yet another sojourn to the clinic this AM. All my numbers are high so I have officially stopped taking the FSH injectables. Hooray! At 9:45 tonight (yes, I was told to do it exactly at that time) I injected the HCG (Human chorionic gonadotropin) which stimulates the release of the egg during ovulation. It can also cause early puberty in boys. Just a random factoid.

Another random factoid is that HCG is made from the urine of pregnant women. I'm glad I didn't drink it instead. ;)

One more trip to the clinic tomorrow for yet more blood work and then to the surgery center on Thursday for the retrieval. 

I have been very tired and sort of dizzy...low, low energy these past two days, especially. It feels like my head is underwater, or being squished somehow. I just want to escape my body, even for a few minutes. I can't remember what it feels like not to feel like this. Let me out!!

Hopping Down the Bunny Trail

I went into the clinic early Saturday morning. My follicles were at 10-13. Went in again this morning and they are 19, 15, 10, 19 and 17 on the right side, 15 minus 1 on the left. As I learned from doing the IUIs, it's normal to have one side produce more follicles than the other. Thursday is now the projected egg retrieval, possibly Friday. Visits to the clinic are getting much more frequent as the retrieval day grows imminent. 

On a more ironic note, in the Pagan religion the Teutonic goddess of fertility is called Eastra (among many other names) derived from the ancient word for spring, "eastre." If all goes according to schedule, my "eastra eggs" should be sitting in a dish this Easter. The origin of the term "in vitro" is Latin and literally means "in glass." I wonder if they can fertilize my eggs in a basket instead? Hippity Hoppity!

Ho Ho Ho

I had an ultra sound and blood work on Wednesday and everything looks "good" whatever that means. One nurse said something about my follicles "sprouting." Isn't Sprout the name of the Jolly Green Giant's nephew or something? 

Anyway, I'm sprouting!! 

Going in tomorrow again because I miss the clinic and I want to say hi to the nurses. Just kidding. Another round of blah blah blah and we will see where I am and if I am still on schedule. So far, I am averaging about 2  visits a week, although it was more around the time of my surgery.

My stomach looks like a pin cushion without the pins. I am running out of places to poke! Where there isn't a red dot, there is a bruise. It's really quite a lovely sight.

I had more energy today. Maybe I am getting used to the drugs? Or the drugs are getting used to me.